How-To: Order Food When Someone Else is Paying

Payer: Jeremy
Non-Payers: Mary, Nichele, and Tessa
Restaurant: Phillipe's, Home of the French Dip

J: Do you know why they named the sandwich the French Dip?
M, T, N: silence
J: Phillipe dropped the sandwich into the lap of a guy named French.
M, T, N: silence
J: Okay, Hi. I'd like to order one double dipped lamb french dip
T: I'd like one double dipped lamb french dip. No, make that a single. Double's a little intense for the first time. One single dipped lamb french dip. With Jack Cheese.
N: One single dipped turkey french dip.
J: Nichele, if you get the lamb and don't like it, I will buy you a turkey sandwich.
N: Jeremy, none of us have cash, you are already buying my meal.
T: Jeremy's buying dinner? Can I add macaroni salad to my order?
N: Don't forget the potato salad!
M: I'd like a single dipped lamb french dip sandwhich. No cheese though.
J: I'd like two lemonades. Mary you should get a lemonade.
N: I'd like two lemonades please.
M: I don't really want lemonade.
T: I'd like a cup of coffee please.
J: Mary, the lemonade is really good. You should try it.
N: Can we also have a bag of potato chips?
T: Did you get my peach half?
M: Alright, one glass of lemonade.
N: You should make it two.
T: Yah, Mary. Remember, Jeremy is paying.
M: Okay, two glasses of lemonade.
T: Don't forget the pickled pig's foot!

Quotables: Brentwood

T: Mark, why did you keep drinking even after we got home?
M: Well, no one told us not to.

Terminology: Smokeshow

Smokeshow (n.)

1. Perfect 10 out of 10. It's hard to explain--you just know.

Example: "I saw this girl, and I was like....wow. She is a smokeshow."

-Jordan

Quotables: 715 S. Normandie Ave

J: I'm 22. I'll be 23 next year.


T: J, when was the first time you realized that you sucked?

Quotables: The Village Idiot

D: I'm CANADIAN.
S: Like, according to your passport?
D: No, according to my LIFE.


J: [dead serious] You know what's great? The internet.


S: I hate fish jello.
C: [as if this is a logical response] I'm always getting raped by him!

california rolls. seriously.

Let's travel back a bit in time (say two hours) as I approach the order counter for my local sushi joint. I moved towards the counter cautiously, as I noticed a woman playing a rather intense game of peek-a-boo with a young child. Please note the child is hiding behind the legs of the man I assume is the father, shaking, cowering, evidently fearing for his life. Immediately I think, this awful mother, playing a game of peek-a-boo that is driving her poor child near to tears. Who the hell does that? Anyways, the woman turns around to me and says "Look at this kid! He won't even say hi! His parents did not train him to be very friendly." So finally, the poor kid's father ushers him away and it's crazy lady's turn to order. Putting together her outlandish childcare skills, swaying body, smeared eye makeup and insistence on calling the Japanese owner of the restaurant "Senor", I quickly realized she was three sheets to the wind. She managed to somehow pull together an order of california rolls, teriyaki chicken and miso soup and turns to sit herself down. She turned abruptly into me, glancing up and down as though she didn't remember the little interaction we just shared about her attempted child molestation and says "By Golly! You are just as cute as a button". I'm six feet tall lady, if you're going to compliment tell me I should be a supermodel or I could be the Jolly Green Giant's twin. Cute as a button? Fuck you. ANYWAYS, now for the best part of the evening. I managed to seat myself across the restaurant from her while angling myself for a good view of her actions. Boy was that maneuvering worth it. Her food soon came and she picked up her chopsticks, ONE IN EACH HAND. She proceeded to pick up (or attempt to pick ups) her first roll. After multiple failed endeavors she finally managed to get one close to her mouth, splayed elbows and all. I swear you could see drool pooling from her mouth out into the teriyaki sauce. As the roll reached her mouth, she lost her tenuous grip on the sticks and the roll went fell, then went ROLLING down the table, all the way to the edge then careened to the floor. So what did she do? She leaned her body as far as it could reach, took one of her chopsticks and stabbed the sucker before ushering it quickly into her mouth. Part of me hopes she doesn't remember that in the morning. Part of me wants to also apologize for the lack of brevity in this story.

Nichele's Fridge-Alert, 9/25/08

Current Fridge-Alert status: ELEVATED

Contents:
Week-old pizza
Peanut butter (bad idea--keep it in the pantry)
Maple syrup (mom bought for me)
Month-old milk
Rotten eggs
One bottle of water
Half an avocado from 3 weeks ago (Tessa)
Chopped onions from 3 weeks ago (Tessa)
2 cans of Coke (cannibalized from discussion section of Jour190)
1 bottle of water (3/4 empty)
Left over Thai food (low-quality)

Inaugural

We do stupid stuff. We observe and engage in idiocy daily. We will document these things here so that you can laugh--with us or at us--and keep up to date with our intensely interesting lives.